Sunday, January 2, 2011

Why don't my friends invite me?

I love my friends. I've been close with them since middle school, and spending time with them really makes me happy. However, I'm starting to notice more and more that none of them invite me to get together. I would invite them to hang out, but I'm too afraid that the problem is that they don't like me anymore!

Have you ever gotten to a four-way stop at the same time as another car, decided to let them go first, and then found yourself wasting time because the other driver had adopted your same strategy? Neither car wanted to be rude by making the first move, but in turn, you were both stuck, awkwardly, in the same place.

Making plans with friends is kind of the same story. Oftentimes, we don’t ask people to do things with us because we’re worried we’ll be rejected, or we just want the satisfaction and self-esteem boost of having been asked first. Remember that everyone has felt this way at one time or another, including the friends who are leaving you out. There’s a good chance that one of them is waiting for you to dictate the weekend plans. If you both keep politely waiting at the stop sign, nobody’s going to get anywhere.

Another possibility is that, by trying not to seem hurt about having been ignored in the past, you’ve said or done something that suggests to your friends that you’re not interested in being invited, or like you have better things to do. Obviously, you shouldn’t sit around moping and making puppy-dog eyes at them if they go to a movie without you, but acting too indignant could just perpetuate the problem. If you overhear them discussing an event they went to, try saying something like, “Oh, I actually stayed home kind of bored on Saturday. I wish I’d have known that was going on.” Their response might explain why you were left out—maybe they went together because their parents know each other, or maybe they were seeing a band they didn’t realize you’d be interested in.

But if it turns out that your friends are keeping you uninformed about plans for different reasons, the best way to squash those hurt feelings is by finding something fun to do without them this time. If you see someone wearing a t-shirt for a show you like, strike up a conversation and maybe ask them to come over and watch it with you sometime. It might feel awkward and forced at first, but you never know who else is bored and looking for a new friend to spend time with. This doesn’t mean you need to block out your other friends—in fact, ignoring them or trying to make them jealous will only cause more issues and ensure that you feel even more left out than before—but meeting new people is a lot more fun than looking at Facebook pictures of parties you weren’t at.

While I can only address one question a week, keep in mind that every comment is read and considered, and an answer to your question might pop up at any time. If you’re seeking advice, leave your topic suggestion on this post. Also, if you have anything to add (agreeing or disagreeing with my advice!) or personal stories to share with the writer of today’s question, I encourage you to leave a comment. Be good to each other, be good to yourself, and be a presence!

63 comments:

  1. I have the same problem! I was at an Ugly Christmas sweater party when my friend asked me what my plans were for NYE and I said, "Usually my friend from Ottawa has a party but there hasn't been anything said about one so I don't have any plans." They kind of just said, "Oh." and moved on. Then they were all talking about how they didn't know what they were doing on NYE and they said something about one girl having everyone over. I wasn't invited. I felt really bad because they knew I had no plans and yet, they didn't invite me.
    I just shrugged it off and it turns out that my friend from Ottawa just invited me and a few other people for a small get together. It was nice.
    I plan on bringing up to my friends that they should maybe invite me out more often, especially to house parties. I'm not a big fan of bars and clubs but I don't mind house parties. If they have a reason then they can tell me and if not, hopefully they'll invite me out more often.

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  2. I wrote a blog post recently entitled "On Being Alone" that is relevant, I think, to this. You can check it out if you want -- and even if you don't want to read it, there's an amazing video embedded on the topic of loneliness.

    This really sounds like I'm whoring out my blog, but I just think it might help.

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    1. I am starting to feel very lonely. I've noticed my friends are always sharing what great times they're having on Facebook with other friends. I'm never invited to anything. My one good friend no longer answers the phone or rings back on the weekends and I even asked my kids if there was something wrong with me. It's very upsetting. It's almost as if they're embarrassed to have me there. I only have the one drink and I am not obnoxious or rude. I just don't get it.

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  3. Hey, Hayley. I have low self-esteem. But you would never guess that meeting me. When I was twelve, I learned the most successful defense mechanism for any pain, embarrassment, or social problems; and ultra-confident facade. This soon morphed into a bubbly, chameleon-type person that emerges when I'm in large groups. Some of my closer friends who have seen both sides of me think that I'm two-faced because of this. How can I feel comfortable in stressful social situations while still acting somewhat like myself?

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  4. Hayley its like you are reading my mind. All of these questions are relatable and directly relate to my current situation. Its nice to know others feel the same way. Thank you.

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  5. Hayley, my best friend and my boyfriend spend a lot of time together because they are old family friends, and I'm worried my boyfriend will fall for her. I don't want him to think that I'm clingy, but is there anything I can do to feel better about this? thanks <3

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  6. Great post Hayley! I have been in this situation pleanty of times before and I think that it made me miss out on a lot of potential friendships...
    Thanks for the advice! It really is amazing for girls to be able to know that they can be glad about who they are, just as they are.

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  7. Hey Hayley, seriously, thanks for Presence. I know from watching 5AG that high school was not your best time, do you have any advice on not letting it suck every bit of your soul out?

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  8. I have been in a similar position. My best friend made some close friends in another class and they didn't like me, so kept leaving me out. After a while, I just sat with my friend anyway and hoped they would come to like me – which they did. It also doesn't help when the parents of your best friend don't like you. (Sometimes I wonder if they're jealous that I get more awards than my friend or something...) But now my best friend's in the rebellious stage of her life and doesn't care what her parents think. She hangs out with me anyway.

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  9. While this is all good advise Hayley, I must say I have never once made a decent friend by forcing myself to stike up an awkward conversation with them. Maybe that's just because I'm an extra-awkward person, but still.

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  10. I'm hesitant to initiate plans with people, but it's less of the fear of being rejected and more of the fear that they're only accepting the invitation because they feel obligated to do so, and they'd rather be doing something else. I spare them the trouble by not asking in the first place. It's probably not true, but I still feel insecure about it.

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  11. I just hate it when they lie to you.
    Like on New Year's eve, me and some friends trew a small party so we invited some other friends. They said they would think about it but it turned out they trew a party themselves and didn't want to invite us. I don't mind that much, I just wish they'd have told the truth and said they would have a calm dinner together. We wouldn't have forced them to come or to invite us.

    @Anonymous. Yeah, I was like that in high school but when I left for uni, I had no one I knew, so I had to make new friends. I really had to force myself into talking to some people, because I'm also very awkward, but now they're like my best friends. Making new friends isn't easy, but if you don't try, it'll never work.

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  12. I've been in this situation on a sporadic basis, and quite a lot of the time, it has had nothing to do with dislike or intentional exclusion. Sometimes it happens for a much less drastic reason than you might think: perhaps they didn't realize you were interested in a band, or they just organized clumsily, picking the people it was most convenient to meet up with.

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  13. @Elle
    My advice for you would be not to try to sabotage your boyfriends friendship with your friend. If you do, it will make your friend feel bad, and probably won't help your relationship with your boyfriend. Chances are, they are good friends, but I can see where you're coming from. Why don't you organize something for the 3 of you to do together, it would show them that you are happy for them to be friends, but also remind your boyfriend why he's happy to be with you in case he was having any doubts (which I'm certain he wasn't!). Try talking to your friend, don't tell her not to see him, just make her understand your concerns, so she will make sure she behaves as a friend should towards him. I know it's hard to talk to your boyfriend about things like this, trust me, I've been there, but if you get your feelings out in the open, then he can reassure you that you're the only one for him.
    You won't come across as clingy if you just try to act cool about it. Don't demand they see less of each-other, as I said, try to organize things for all 3 of you. Maybe even hook your mate up with one of his friends! :)
    Good Luck! x

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  14. @Mary Speaking from experience:
    B) Most people aren't that considerate. Meaning they won't spend time doing something they don't like just to please/ not hurt the feelings of someone.
    A)How many different excuses do you have for getting out of boring/awkward events? From "I'm feeling kind of sick" to "An enourmous basilisk ate my cat, I'm too sad to go out". Most people have an arsenal. They'll usually use one of those instead of saying "yes" out of obligation.
    C) Even if they don't really feel like hanging out, if they've said yes, that probably means they care about you enough to do something that they don't really enjoy. That says a lot.
    Mostly, if they don't want to be with you, they'll probably give a very obvious indication. It's not your job to go crazy trying to read signs that probably aren't even there. That's what I say to myself when I'm feeling insecure, anyway.
    Plus, you're an excellent speller, and it's a widely-known fact that we're the epitome of cool, so... yeah.

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  15. Aaand I just realised I inverted A and B. Fail.

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  16. making random plans is really hard sometimes, but maybe talking to them about stuff would be good first. I know how it feels when your friends make plans without you, but it's the best feeling when you organise a day out with your friends and you have a good time, and you're the reason why! I have friends who sometimes feel that only they make plans (untrue, but it's how they feel!) They probably still like you, and you'll probably find that if you organise things you'll get more invites!

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  17. I have a friend who, in the past, never really seemed bothered about our friendship. Eventually, to sort of 'prove a point' I stopped inviting them out in the hope that they might start to realise something was wrong/missing and actually do something about it for herself. It didn't get through to her for quite a few months until I told her this. I told her that all I wanted was for HER to invite ME out every so often because it felt like I was doing all the work. She isn't any less of a friend to me, I guess she just perceives things differently.
    Maybe this is how your friends feel too? Obviously it's just one insight and your situation might be different but you could try to invite others out with you, instead of hoping that they will get you involved. :)
    Try being active instead of passive. x

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  18. Another thing to remember is sometimes, if you find yourself in a situation where you have pouted about being left out, friends decide that they don't want to invite you to things any longer. The last person I want to spend time with is someone who gets so caught up in the fact they are not invited to everything I do they can't have any fun. Nothing is worse than being at a movie, or out to ridiculously priced coffee, and having to deal with that friend who spends the entire time whining on their 'relaxing yet boring' time alone the other day.
    Forgive and forget - usually it is just a harmless mistake, or a simple overlooking. Unless every time your friends hang out you find yourself left at home, I wouldn't worry about it. If they ditch you all the time like that, then you really do need to find some new friends.

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  19. I had the same problem throughout 2010, basically 4 of my friends decided that because one time they'd had fun together they should keep hanging out just the 4 of them. It hit me really hard that I was never included and none of them wanted to tell me why. In the end I just decided that it wasn't worth the effort of caring, I guess I still care but I try not to let it affect me. Those guys aren't that friendly with each other any-more and I'm quite happy with everything. I guess my advice is, try to get through to then and organise a get-together yourself. But if they keep it up, I'd just try to let it go, hurting you by leaving you out of everything isn't a very friend-like behaviour, and growing up we all tend to loose friends. But I get how much it sucks- when that was happening to me I was really depressed.

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  20. Hey Hayley. I have a friend who has recently become very clingy, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't see him as a particularly close friend, but he obviously doesn't think that way. I can be quite tempermental if I don't have some time t myself, but he's not giving me any room to breathe. I see him at the library every day before school, and then I don't have a minute to myself all day. He waits for me after every class, interupts conversations with other people and seeks me out at every break. It sounds terrible, but I'm getting sick of him. He is also becoming increasingly rude and mean to other people, something which he denies of I confront him about. One of my other friends feels the same way, but we don't know what to say to him without hurting his feelings. i have tried gently hinting that he should give me some space, but he doesn't seem to be hearing it. What can I do wihtout hurting his feelings?

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  21. I've been in the same situation before, when I was in high school. My best friend and I had been close since elementary school, and come high school she met another girl and we all started hanging out. It was fine for about two years, but come junior and senior year another girl started coming around, and was a bad influence on my friends. I started not being invited to get-togethers, and when I did hang out with them I realized I wasn't enjoying myself because they would act very immature. I always felt like I was a fifth wheel, and hated myself and them for it. I finally started getting close to some people towards the end of senior year, and really valued their presence. We still talk a lot to this day. The girls who used to be my friends....they don't acknowledge my presence, and I try not to think about them. I went to college and met some amazing people, and I'm happier than I have ever been. It sounds cliche, but whenever a door closes another door opens, and things will work out for the better. I hope that things work out with your friends, but if they don't...you will meet some amazing people down the road :)

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  22. I get scared to actually talk to someone that I don't know. In class, sometimes I'll strike up a conversation, but usually I'm too busy being self-conscious that it just feels awkward and makes me want to shirk away from the entire situation and just keep quiet.

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  23. How can I have the kind of self confidence that you have?

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  24. I definitely agree that sometimes it's awkward to randomly make plans, especially with someone you either don't hang out with much or have never hung out with outside of school.

    My question for a post: When a guy-friend simply ignores all emails that could be interpreted as flirtatious or pertaining to a possible date, does that mean he's nervous or just isn't interested and wants to be polite?

    My question about the question: If you don't answer that question, do you want me to keep writing it in comments until you do, or just leave it be?

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  25. How do I keep a balance between school work and fun(friends, going out, just doing other things) while in high school? I'm a freshman and so far I have been keeping up on work, but I noticed my grades are slipping. I know I can do better, and I am worried it might be from not having a good balance between work and fun.
    Thanks Hayley

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  26. Oh, also, I sort of had that problem in middle school. One of the girls who had been my second-closest friend (which wasn't saying much) in 4th grade would suddenly say things like "Oh, not YOU" when I wanted to partner up with her in class and stuff. That was the worst thing she said, and I went and cried in the bathroom.
    A few days later, I was over it, still lonely during class (since my best friend whom I love to death to this day had different teachers), and gave up on her.
    Middle school basically sucked, until 8th grade in which it was okay.
    Then I got to high school and it's been the best year and a half (I'm a sophomore) of my life.

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  27. I feel like I've lost who I am. For years and years I was always really quiet at school and even around my friends, but very energetic and friendly on the inside. Now I want to be that energetic and friendly person as much as possible, but I'm afraid of how my friends will react. And I'm not even sure I remember how to act that way anymore. I'm really confused and could use your thoughts on this.

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  28. I have a friend of a friend (met this person last year) who is in one of my classes. At first I was okay with being acquaintances, but now he won't leave me alone. He's always talking to me and quite frankly some of the stuff he says and does is a bit creepy and makes me rather uncomfortable. He's also doesn't take me seriously when I tell him he's freaking me out. I don't want to hurt this guy, but I also don't want to be anywhere near him anymore. Any advice on how to deal with him?

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  29. Haha it's almost funny how relevant this is to me. I've noticed, especially last year, that many of my friends stopped inviting me to things. Which kind of sucks.

    Like for new year's eve this year, nearly all of my friends went to a party at someone's house, which I wasn't invited to. However, I have one friend who's not a part of that group at all, and I spent NYE at her house with a few her friends (nearly all of whom I didn't know) and I had a great time. I actually found it more fun than the few big house parties I'd been to.

    I'm looking forward to starting uni this year and meeting new people. As you said, it's much more fun than looking at facebook photos of parties I wasn't invited to :)

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  30. @Zach My lack of obvious flirtiness is most definitely part of the problem.
    Also, he doesn't check his email every day, so I wouldn't be surprised if the thought process was more of "Oh, it is no longer yesterday, so this is irrelevant, so I will just delete it."
    Part of my issue is I find it awkward to say "Do you want to go _____ with me ______", mainly because it seems obvious and I'm a coward...so I say more like "I'm going to Barnes and Noble after school to read the new (book in a series we both love). You should come" and then he always has homework or his sister's visiting from college or whatever. The one time he did respond via email, he happened to be out of town.
    Thanks for your reply, though. It's good to hear a guy's take on the matter.

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  31. Hayley, your advice is spot on. I'm experiencing this currently. While it's not as though they never invite me, I do find out that I wasn't invited places. I met some new friends on the nerdfighters website!

    I would simply add to not limit yourself to only finding IRL friends. There's always someone going through a similar issue and maybe you can become internet friends! Especially if you tend to be shy. If you can work up the courage to make an internet friend then eventually you can make some new friends IRL too! Although do be cautious of internet creepers.

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  32. It seems to me that I always find myself being the one left out. Sort of the "third wheel" in all situations. I'm a one friend kind of person and if my best friend wants to hang out with others instead of me, I find myself automatically assuming that it's because they are just getting sick of me instead of just saying "Hey can I come too?" Your advice helped a ton. Thanks.

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  33. It might help just to make the effort to hint that you want to go out...so, just asking, "anyone doing anything this weekend?" might remind them to include them in their plans. It doesn't give you the stress of organising something yourself (not that that's a bad thing to do...but it can be stressful) and it doesn't make you seem complainy and whiny when you complain about NOT being invited out; because you preempt it.

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  34. Dear Hayley,
    I have been having trouble in math recently. I am two grades advance in that class and have never had trouble in any math class before now. I need some advise on how to bring a failing grade up a bit.
    Thanks :)

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  35. i need a life
    my life is: school, studying for SATs, volunteer work, orchestra, and other boring shit.
    all my friends are all "must get into an ivy league college" thanks to their strict parents. my parents are not that strict but i am still thrown into this whole thing because of my friends. no one can ever just hang out without planning it first, which is really annoying and i wish i kind of had a life.

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  36. @anonymous (i need a life)
    Welcome to my life! My high school experience was a lot like yours sounds. I had very little social life. I was content with the choices I made, but I definitely understand your desire to have more of a social life! For one thing, let me say that I found that after SAT scores were in and college applications were in, my friends and I chilled out a lot and were able to spend some time hanging out. But what might help you now is to make some friends who aren't as high-intensity. I think it's great that you and your friends are so motivated, and I'm not saying you should ditch them. But it might take some of the pressure off if you have someone to hang out with who isn't talking about test scores and community service hours all the time. Try making a new friend, someone with whom you have a common interest, someone who is more focused on the present than the future. I know it can seem like you have a long way to go, but just making one new friend could give you a social outlet that lets you experience more of what you are missing. And don't let yourself get carried away either! If you start ignoring classes or responsibilities, all your hard work up until this point could become much less valuable. But finding someone new to hang out with could help you get the life you are looking for!
    And here's a piece of hope: I have found even the high-intensity college students make more time for a social life than the high school ones :)

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  37. Hi Hayley!
    I just wanted to tell you that I really love this new advice blog of yours.
    Also, this particular topic is EXTREMELY relevant to me. I have this problem all the time! The problem is that I no longer go to the same school as my friends and sometimes I feel like they just throw together plans after school and it's not that they don't invite me because they don't like me, but because I'm just not *there* like everyone else.
    But this post was really helpful and it definitely gives me a new perspective on the matter.
    DFTBA

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  38. Hey Hayley,
    So I really like this guy who I've barely ever talked to and who doesn't even know I exist. I'm awkward and I'm flustered whenever I'm around him (not to mention two of my best friends like him), and so I just don't want to like him anymore. I'm tired of it. I don't want to care about how my makeup and hair is all the time, or everytime I'm in a room with him tensing up and not being able to say a thing or be myself. A crush shouldn't be worth feeling ths insecure and nerve-wracked, right? (is this even normal??)

    Thanks for reading this comment! Presence has been my safe haven from all the magazines and reality shows telling me one unrealistic thing after another. Keep up the great work!

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  39. To anonymous person "need a life" and Sidran - I have this same problem, basically... it sucks! I totally sympathize. My friends are really uptight, too, but I'm not very good at making new friends because I'm shy and awkward around people I don't know. It's really hard for me to just meet new people... does anyone have any help for that?

    To the anonymous person directly above me - that is completely normal. Totally normal. I know it seems like the only thing important in the world right now, but trust me, it will pass. Try to just live it out until your hormones stop freaking out and try not to say anything stupid you'll regret later. Don't jeopardize the relationships with your friends who like the same person... it's not worth it. I have totally been in this situation and I know it's horrible, especially when you don't want to like the guy but can't help it. Just try to take a deep breath and pretend like he's not in the room when you're feeling tense and insecure. I know it's hard, but try to think of him in your mind as just another guy in the room, and treat him that way as best you can. Good luck!

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  40. My best friend has just started university whereas I'm taking a year out. I'm really happy that she's enjoying herself and making new friends and experiencing exciting things, but I feel like I don't fit into her new life anymore. We used to spend every day with each other and now I barely see her, and whenever we do meet up there's always so many awkward silences. I try and get involved with her new life, agree to meet and hang with her new friends, but she's always saying they're too busy or maybe some other time. I don't want to lose her because we've been best friends for 6 years and I love her so much but I fear that's exactly what's happening.

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  41. Hi Haley, I would love it if you could help me out. My mum suffers from really bad clinical depression. My dad has to live out of the country a lot of the time for work and because of this I am the one my mother comes to with all her problems- whether they are marital, personal or to do with family. And when she's happy its fine, but when she's having a bad day often it will spiral out of control and last for weeks and she shouts and screams at my 5 year old sister and I. I feel like I am taking care of my whole family. Comforting my mother, reassuring my dad and shielding my sister. I am the one who is always okay and I don't feel like I can talk to any of them for fear of hurting their feelings or making things worse.
    What should I do?

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  42. Should I go to prom? Is it really as important as everyone says it is? I can't dance and probably won't be able to get a date. I'm a nerd who would probably have a better time staying home reading a good novel but everyone keeps telling me that I have to go because it's a once in a life time thing. Should I listen to everyone and just go?

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  43. @Prom anonymous
    My mom didn't go to prom, and she still regrets it. However, there wasn't much to do in her town.
    Personally, I plan on asking a guy to go to "Not Prom" with me on the night of prom, which means we go do whatever we feel like...as long as it's not prom. Seems more fun.

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  44. I love my friends very much, but I'm usually pretty busy and they text me all the time. If it's about important stuff I'll reply, but normally it's not anything, just hey, or hiya! If I don't reply they send me more and more texts and get their feelings hurt. I'm tired of dodging their texts. How do I nicely tell them I can't text 24/7?

    Madelyn

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  45. Can we expect some books recommendation post any time soon? :)

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  46. Hmm. Thank you hayley, I'm in the same situation. It hurts that my close group of friends went out without me. I feel really bad about it because I love spending time with them. They're... My life and I love them. Do they not feel the same about me? I even said, wanna go see black swan with me? And the next day they called eachother up and went to see it. No matter what the real solution to this is, I can't help but to feel really hurt. I'm so sad, because even though I have other friends to do things with, it's never as fun as doing things with my really close group. I'm so sad. Thank you for this hayley... I appreciate this whole advice magazine you have going on. Everything you write helps me a lot.

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  47. Hey Hayley,
    I am 18 years old, and I have never had a boyfriend. Though most people say that I am better off without one, I feel that it is time for me to go into the dating world. Unfortunately, every time any guy takes interest in me, I act crazy and push him away. This is probably a result of my own insecurities and fears. I realize that, being the age that I am, I am going to have to face the world of dating sometime soon. Do you have any advice for me on how to get over my insecurities and how to stop trying to convince guys that I am insane? I would really appreciate your advice. Thanks!

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  48. @anonymous prom person,

    I have the same sort of problem about the nerdyness/date thing, but mine may not be as stressful, as I live in England and the date thing isn't as important to most people in my school. If you really want to go and also with a date then I think you should pluck up the courage to ask a guy out, but if you can't (like I know i couldn't :S) get with a group of girlfriends who don't have dates either and go with them then it's more likely to be good fun. Either that or just stay at home and ask a few friends round for a sleepover or just to hang out if you think you'll have a lot more fun than in prom. That's my advice, and I hope it's helpful in some way!

    BB Xx

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  49. Hey Hayley... Or anyone else who can help.
    So I'm 16. And I've changed - like, a lot - from who I used to be. I feel like I'm constantly trying to please everybody. I fight with my mum all the time. I recently split up from my boyfriend, and I went straight back to flirting with all the guys (which a year ago I would never have done). Thing is, whilst the flirting is fun and makes me feel real special and all, the guys just end up moving onto somebody prettier when they come over.
    I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm never gonna get another boyfriend, as all the other people in our year are willing to "do stuff", and they expect me to aswell (there was a rumour a little while ago which was totally untrue). Basically I'm not happy with myself anymore, and I don't know how I can change back.
    Help?
    Kat.

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  50. Ouch this is so applicable right now </3 My three best friends are completely ditching me right now to hang out with people they all have lunch with (they have the same lunch, I have a different one). I know what they're doing but they won't tell me and act like nothing's going on. How much of an idiot do they think I am? (that was rhetorical...) I love this blog though :)

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  51. I know how that feels. Though my story is sorta different. My friend usually crashes at my house and might wanna stay over or just leave. Chances are he asks me to stay over, so after a lot of negotiations with the parents and whatnot, he stays over. But whenever i crash at his house he actually wants me to leave. This is because hes around a lot of his other friends, who are also my friends, and he just wants to show off. Since all of them are taller and stronger than me this makes me feel like a dumbass. I want to be taller, but i wasn't born that way. Getting off topic here, but anyway. He seems to only be nice whenever I'm the only one there. He just gets friendly just so that he has someone to play with. I'm just like a glass of water and his friends are like a can of mountain dew. As of 2010, hes always been this way. Probably because he does a lot of sports and is always stressed out? I don't know. But yeah, he hasn't been the same since 2010. Back in the old days he was planning to do football and i was originally planning to do track, but in the end he wound up doing football and i forgot to do my sport. This year I'm gonna start training for track. Going off topic again, but anyway. I noticed this type of behavior from him just last month. He invited me to his house, we played some Xbox 360, but then after his other friend (and also mine because we all knew each other) came over, he treated me like shit. He always mocked me just because my life didn't turn out exactly the way i wanted it to turn out, he mocks me about the times and days that i bathe, just about anything that he can think of. I know what its like to be used, since it has happened to me a lot in my life. Nowadays I'm usually in my room, alone, looking out the window, thinking about committing suicide. Yeah, its that bad, i actually want to kill myself just because no one respects me. What makes it worse is that my real friends usually laugh along with him too. Though on some occasions they usually say that they don't know why they're laughing with everyone, so that sorta makes the situation even more funny. I think I've said enough now, just about enough for your brain to process. But the point here being that a good future in life is the most important thing that you gotta remember, because if you have a bad future, you'll most likely have all of your friends mock and criticize you for the rest of your life. I'm gonna train for track this year, so i hope that my future changes in the process. Like i said, its only one certain "friend" of mine that mocks me.

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  52. your probably just the nob head friend that we all hang around with but dont realy like if you dont have one you are that person

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  53. Hey Hayley... Or anyone else who can help.
    So I'm 16. And I've changed - like, a lot - from who I used to be. I feel like I'm constantly trying to please everybody. I fight with my mum all the time. I recently split up from my boyfriend, and I went straight back to flirting with all the guys (which a year ago I would never have done). Thing is, whilst the flirting is fun and makes me feel real special and all, the guys just end up moving onto somebody prettier when they come over.
    Adnan..I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm never gonna get another boyfriend, as all the other people in our year are willing to "do stuff", and they expect me to aswell (there was a rumour a little while ago which was totally untrue). Basically I'm not happy with myself anymore, and I don't know how I can change back.
    Help?

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  54. The keyword is "assume." The saying goes, "When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME."

    Two ladies at work went to Vegas and were talking about the whole event. I was there listening to their conversation. I mentioned to them to let me know the next time they were going to go there. They both had that dumbfounded look on their faces and one said, "Your husband wouldn't mind you going?" I told them no. "Oh we didn't tell you because you're married with kids and assumed that you would be too busy to be able to go."

    It's sad when people make the choice for you without asking first. :P lol

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  55. My BFF has invited me to many parties. But since my parents never let me go she didnt invite me as much it made me sad. But just keep moving on their will be other friends and other parties. <3 ;p
    Love_monkey101

    Get over it. Thats the past. Come to the future their is alot of good things here.-My BFF

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  56. This has happened to me...
    the most annoying part about it is that we have had this practically air-tight group of friends since the start of grade 7, like 5 years ago and the group has shrunken a bit, but one of my friends (who i have known since we were like what 3?) invites everyone for house parties without me.

    I think part of the problem is that me and my best friend are really close, that we have in some ways become more closed to other people i suppose, we are always together, and she didn't get invited either.

    I try to not get annoyed but its just like EUGH?! i like parties too..

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  57. There is kind of a group of five of us who hang out together. We all think that one person can be sound most of the time but a complete asshole 25% of the time. I personally don't want to have anything to do with this person, but I think if I say it to the others, they mightn't feel as strongly about it, and then i'm left out. In reality he thinks he is better than us and he thinks he is always right, I am sick of stepping on egg shells around him, so he doesn't go mental. A friend should be someone you can be completely yourself around and I am not myself around him. What should i do?

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  58. some of my friends went to a get together and didnt invited me i started to hang with them until this year but some other ppl that i thought that wouldnt b invited they were actually there i dont know now ifeel bad about it :/!

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  59. I sit with a group a school, we are all close but over the last 2 terms i have notice that i felt a little left out at lunch etc. We are all close but i feel that i'm just the outsider and im just there half the time. Really we are friends but it feels different, i left my other group at the beginning of the year because everything changed with my best friend and now we keep as "friends". I have more friends at other schools who i feel really appreciate me for me. Also my now group goes out together e.g. there will be a party the whole group is invited except for me, they will go out together and i don't get asked if i want to come, i will find out when i see the pictures on fb and they are all sitting around a table at a restaurant but im again not there for the birthday celebration, i don't know what to do, i have notice that my social life has gone down a hole ever since i moved groups and every since i lost a really tight friend, yes i know acceptance is hard these days and not everything is perfect during your teen life, ups and downs but i just need advice since im the one who gives out advice to my friends when they need it and now it seems that i need a little advice.

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  60. I have this problem, well kind of. My friends are going out to a BBQ tomorrow and I wasn't invited, I've payed for them to go to the water park with me and I've invited them over a million times, but they leave me out, it hurts to know that your 'friends' don't find you fun anymore.

    I'm in year 10 now, when I was growing up I found it hard to fit in and make friends, but after I met them I felt like I belonged.

    So why do they never invite me to anything, not even to a social event? Is it cause they don't like me anymore? It's rather sad, having friends that do that to you, what does that say about them?

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  61. My group of friends don't invite my neighbor to anything because never plans anything for the group. Virtually all of us have planned an activity and taken it upon ourselves to solidify plans with everyone. My neighbor will "mention" he'd like to go to a concert, but never emails anyone and expects everyone else to work out the details. He's started complaining to the group about never being invited to anything. He recently was invited, wasn't interested and provided no feedback to the invitation until I called him and asked. I let the person arranging to buy tickets know he wasn't interested because he never would.

    Sometimes you've got to make the plans and stop waiting on the group.

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  62. I feel the same way. It's gotten to the point where I've unfollowed all of them on all social networking sites to avoid that sinking feeling in your stomach when you see pictures of everyone (except you) at some social gathering. Recently I graduated middle school and had a graduation ceremony at my school. People dressed up, it's a semi formal. But I was devastated when I found that my whole group of friends had gotten together and taken pre-ceremony pictures. Everyone was included...except me. I'm confused because no one acts like they hate me, I don't know why I'm never invited. They're quite horrible to me. The other day at lunch someone approached my table bearing invitations to her end-of-the-year party. She handed them out one by one, but low and behold, I never received one. I wasn't surprised, just hurt.

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