Ah, winter. First the days get shorter, then the holiday season sets a fast pace of shoveling treats into our mouths, and pretty soon we’re consuming twice as much while moving half as often. Here are a few realistic suggestions for fighting off the blah without going crazy.
- Go easy on the cream. Dairy can provide some of the most desirable comfort foods around this time of year, but it can also weigh you down and zap your energy. A big hot chocolate from Starbucks clocks in at around 450 calories-- that’s a whole meal’s worth, all in one drink! Sometimes it’s definitely worth the splurge, but if you’re looking for a secret alternative, you could instead have all the hot tea you want (zilch calories if you take it unsweetened or with artificial sweetener, around 15 calories with a teaspoon of sugar) and a hefty chunk of good dark chocolate. There’s 180 calories in a whole bar of Hershey’s Special Dark, but it’s so rich that you may only need half that to get your chocolate fix. Plus, the warm liquid combines with the chocolate to still give you that melty-awesome-deliciousness, but without the stomachache to follow.
- Don’t neglect your water bottle. Even when you’re nowhere near the sun, your body still gets thirsty. It’s important to push water through your system year-round—it helps you better judge your level of hunger, it helps ward off common winter sicknesses, and it occupies your hands and mouth so you’re less likely to succumb to boredom-binging. Keep a jug in the pocket of your backpack, take frequent pauses in front of water fountains, and take a shot of aqua first thing when you get home in the evening.
- Make little substitutions. Instead of chugging 12 ounces of orange juice in the morning, have half a glass of OJ and a full glass of water. If you’re in no one’s way, walk up the escalator instead of lazing against the rail. Walk around the mall even when browsing Amazon is faster. These tiny sacrifices are barely noticeable throughout your day, but they can add up to have a big effect on how your belt fits come March.
- Stop making breakfast your enemy. I know that it’s annoying to hear how important breakfast is when you’re the one having to get out the door every day at 6am. But the simple facts remain: those who eat breakfast are far more likely to be fit than those who don’t. Eating a morning meal helps your body wake up and starts your metabolism for the rest of the day. And above all, you simply CANNOT forgo breakfast in the hopes of “saving the calories for later” because it just doesn’t work that way. If you don’t have time for blueberry pancakes or fancy omelets before the sunrise, fill up a plastic baggy with raw almonds, granola and dried fruit, and throw it down on the bus with a carton of milk. So quit your whining and stop dreading the five-minute practice that’ll make you feel awesome, anyway!
- Don’t turn into the Abominable Sweatpants Yeti. No, you don’t need to primp like you’re going to prom on the days when it’s a challenge just to get dressed, but you only do yourself harm if you let yourself completely hibernate. When we look frumpy, we feel frumpy. When we feel frumpy, we eat frumpy. Do something nice to your hair on Wednesdays, or wear one piece of jewelry no matter how you feel. Shove your legs into actual jeans more often than not. Don’t obsess about a beauty routine when you’re tired, but don’t treat yourself like you’re not hot!
While I can only address one question a week, keep in mind that every comment is read and considered, and an answer to your question might pop up at any time. If you’re seeking advice, leave your topic suggestion on this post. Also, if you have anything to add (agreeing or disagreeing with my advice!) or personal stories to share with the writer of today’s question, I encourage you to leave a comment. Be good to each other, be good to yourself, and be a presence!
In Australia we don't have this problem, as the winter months aren't too cold and the festive season is in summer! XD! Still, good advise, as usual, for when the winter does come! Thanks again, Hayley!
ReplyDeleteThanks Hayley. :) It doesn't get too cold here, but it's seemingly always dark, and it's hard to be energized and convince myself to go for a run when it gets dark at 4 in the afternoon... I miss sunshine.
ReplyDeleteEating twice as much around the holidays? Yep. That's my problem in a nutshell. Thanks so much for the great post!
ReplyDeleteI did, however, go for a walk today, since NC weather is weird in the winter. It's been highs in the 30s all week, and then today was 52-ish.
Ah such great advice. I'm going to start drinking tea and switch to dark chocolate (I do like it). I'm also going to try and get more water in me.
ReplyDeleteI really like tip on wearing a piece of jewelery each day. It might not seem like a lot but when I wear jewelery, even one item, I feel more put together.
Thanks Hayley for the advice!
I think this advice pretty much applies to all year round. Thanks, Hayley. This was really helpful, especially number five.
ReplyDelete**puts down toast smothered in nutella**...
ReplyDeleteAh the winter gets to all of us. And I agree- when we look frumpy, we feel frumpy. When we feel frumpy, we eat frumpy. It is all too true. As I stay up to the wee hours cramming for my upcoming finals, I also notice that I have been wearing my classic frumpy clothes and only leaving my bed to grab another textbook or eat junk. I'd SO like to think that a couple days of eating crap won't matter, but...yeahno. The truth is I've been eating like a hormonal pregnant woman.
Well, back to studying for me. Perhaps I'll take your advice and have a heathy breakfast come sunrise. :)
Hi, Hayley. I'm a figure skater and recently I've been getting a lot of remarks telling me that I'm fat and not fit enough for the sport. I try to ignore the comments...but they really do hurt. Any advice on how to proceed?
ReplyDeleteThis was really great Hayley, this project is going really well and I am really enjoying it. May I add an extra suggestion, running may be hard to do in the winter due to snow and the extremely cold temperatures so I have recently taken to skipping. It is still cardio and a bit of a switch up, and it can be done indoors. I use my garage before my Mom gets home. Just throwing that out there.
ReplyDeleteHope all is well.
:)
You give great advice as always :D
ReplyDeleteI always have trouble in during the holidays and during summer, or basically times when there is no school to regulate any sort of routine. I think a routine is also an important thing as far as sleeping and eating and those kinds of things.
DFTBA :]
This was really good advice Hayley, and the best part is that it's easy to put into a teenager's life. Nothing like cooking or anything. But for the original poster, chewing gum also can put a curb on your appetite.
ReplyDeleteI have a question... I'm a religous teenager, and am one of the few in my group of friends. Some of my friends will joke about religon or make fun of it around me. Whenever I poke in, defending my religon, they say something like "Stop trying to force your beliefs on everyone", which I'm not. It makes me upset that they talk like this around me. Do you have any ideas that might make them respect my views on the whole thing? Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHi Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to really be self-conscious about my body. I feel like I have so many medical problems that it would be impossible for any guy to ever love me. From my scars, ankle, height, teeth, and nose I just feel like there is no hope for me. Do you have any tips on getting over things you can't help and building up self-confidence?
Thanks,
Laura
Maybe I am missing the point of this blog but it seems too cliche to me to talk about make-up, diets, and dating. I can very easily find a lot of this stuff in those really silly magazines about looking great for other people. I think I am just missing the Hayley G Hoover blogs where it isn't so advice-y and it is a bit more real life. Not that you owe us anything, but let us know over on your other blog how you are dealing with stuff in your own life... hows school? Any very quiet teachers? Are you still very much in love with the Situation? How are you coping with 5AG being over or is it oddly natural to not have 5AG vids anymore.
ReplyDeleteTalk us to.
How do you stay classy and non-standoffish in a disagreement?
ReplyDeleteOh, more winter-weather tips:
ReplyDeleteBrush your teeth often. Toothpaste clashes with everything, so you'll eat less. And your breath won't smell like turkey.
Pick a favorite 5AG or vlogbrothers video, and do a cardio workout (i.e. sit-ups, squats, etc.) while watching. They're the perfect length, feel like they go by quickly, and are a lot less boring than most of the repetitive music out there.
What the actual fuck?
ReplyDeleteweight loss/control advice?
how is this any different to the advice normally given in girly teen magazines? Apart from the fact you are not qualified (like as a psychologist or dietician) to give advice?
I like this post :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit the other way around with me. In winter I have exams (like now) and the perfect way to procrastinate is eating breakfast and taking a shower and making myself pretty, even if I'll be inside studying all day.
In summer, I can't wait to go outside so I'll skip a lot of those things.
The whole weight thing... I don't know. In winter I do crave a lot of unhealty things so it's hard to stop but because I feel tired I'll go riding my bike or something. I just like the cool air.
In summer I just lay on the beach all day, not much excersise in that.
Do you have any advice on studying? I know it's completely different from the other topics discussed here, but I was wondering how to stay motivated during exams (I have a month and a half exams now, 1 a week and no class in between. It's just hell to wake up everyday and do nothing else than study all day).
Thank you!
I agree completely! Like a lot of people, I've just been sitting in my bedroom studying all weekend and when I take a break, I watch TV or go on the computer (like now) instead of getting up and doing something active. It's just so COLD outside! So yeah, I don't have any tips, I'm just saying: I feel your pain. Also this is the first time I've ever commented on Hayley's blog or even a 5AG video or anything, so...hi, Hayley! :)
ReplyDeletegreat advice hayley. although for me its a bit backwards. Im busier in the winter than i am in the summer. In winter(especially this winter) im outside skiing for about 24 hrs a week. Saturdays and Sundays from 8-4 im working with little kids teaching them to ski(this turned out to be more of a workout than i expected haha).And then im also on the hills every thursday from 3-9/10. But since im in a weirdo town with two ski resorts in a 5 min radius from mu house, i can see how others can get in a rut during the winter season.
ReplyDeleteHey Hayley... Or anyone else who can help.
ReplyDeleteSo I'm 16. And I've changed - like, a lot - from who I used to be. I feel like I'm constantly trying to please everybody. I fight with my mum all the time. I recently split up from my boyfriend, and I went straight back to flirting with all the guys (which a year ago I would never have done). Thing is, whilst the flirting is fun and makes me feel real special and all, the guys just end up moving onto somebody prettier when they come over.
I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm never gonna get another boyfriend, as all the other people in our year are willing to "do stuff", and they expect me to aswell (there was a rumour a little while ago which was totally untrue). Basically I'm not happy with myself anymore, and I don't know how I can change back.
Help?
Kat.
Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI'm an agnostic theist, but am being forced by my parents to be confirmed as a Catholic.
Everyone around me seems so genuinely excited for it, and I just have to sit around quietly, reminding myself that it'll be over soon. I'm dealing with it, but can't help feeling guilty that I'm disgracing a religious ceremony that is important to so many people.
How can I get over this guilt? Also, how can I explain my views without sounding like I'm insulting the other religion?
Um hey I've got a question...
ReplyDeleteI've liked this guy for a while now (3 month) but because I'm so incredibly shy and socially awkward I've only spoken to him like 8 times in this time despite having had quite a few normal conversations before I realised I liked him. That's not my problem today though, out of no-where, one of my best friends suddenly realy likes him now and I think he may like her back, I didn't notice she did because ive kind of drifted away from my main group because I couldn't think of anything to talk about to them. So i decided that I would simply get over it in attempt to fully re-join my friends, but I can't do it, I realy want to back down because I'm getting back into my group again and it would make it so much simpler as she's incredibly strong minded and a little defensive. Also even though I do realy like him I'm not going to do anything about it because I don't fancy being rejected and humiliated and I wouldnt dare tell him my feelings, do you know anyway I can get over it without killing myself inside because my friends are basically all I've got now and mean the world to me so I couldn't loose them?
Thank you
I've been dating this wonderful boy who also happens to be very popular, and people have been really mean to me because of it. What do I do when they tell me I'm too nerdy or too fat or too ugly for him?
ReplyDeleteIm really glad you posted something about this. I always notice that I slack off in the winter and I put on a few of those unwanted pounds. And I spend most of the break I have during winter in sweat pants and just feel frumpy all the time. I never even thought about doing a simple thing like doing my hair to get me out of this funk. Hahaa.
ReplyDeleteI will be putting some of this to use for sure. So thank you!
I disagree about using an artificial sweetener instead of sugar. I've been reading about nutrition lately and people are way too addicted to sugar in general. Better to eat less real cane sugar, than more chemical sweeteners. If you overdo the chemical sweeteners they can mess up your stomach and give you a bad case of IBS later. I'm in my 20's and many of my friends are suffering from this because of downing so many Crystal Light iced teas and diet sodas in their teens.
ReplyDeleteI was so happy when I saw you posted this, I always get so lazy in winter! Thanks for the great advice.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great post. :)
ReplyDeleteMy topic is this: I've always needed to do very well in school to feel good about myself. I feel as if, without good grades, I'm looked down upon and not a good person. How do I build up enough self confidence and get rid of insecurities so that I can fail at some things and still feel okay about myself?
Hi Hayley,
ReplyDeleteRecently I got hit on by a creepy guy at the gas station. He was at least 15 years older than me, and he called me "cutie" and blew kisses at me from his car.
In hindsight, I know I should've been outraged, that he thinks it's okay to do that just because I'm underage and female. But in the moment.... I was actually kind of flattered. As an average-looking nerdy girl, I don't get noticed or called cute very often... or really, at all.
I know it's kind of unhealthy to be so desperate for attention that I'm okay with this kind of thing... I'm only setting myself up for unhealthy relationships in the future. Do you have any advice?
Hey Hayley,
ReplyDeleterecently my friend went through a really bad breakup and to make things worse the girl he broke up with went out with someone else straight away. Since he was so upset he turned to me for help. But now I have begun 'like' him. If he knew I'm sure he would start avoiding me. Although at times I feel as if he likes me, but then he will go into a rant about how much she hurt him and so on. I really don't want to ruin our friendship, so what do I do?
Hey Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI'm a fairly shy person. I have trouble's making friends and talking to people. I often find myself sitting alone by myself while others are enjoying themselves. Any advice?
Hi Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI'm a junior in college and I've liked this guy since freshman year. At the beginning he was just a crush, but over the years he has become one of my closest friends. Do I try getting over him or do I risk our friendship and try telling him? I would hate for our relationship to get awkward or to lose someone that I care so much about.
Thanks,
Beth
P.S. I've never dated anyone so I don't know how to approach this situation.
Hi Hayley,
ReplyDeleteJumping on the so-called bandwagon here and asking you a question, hoping it might get answered =)
I have a close friend, whom I've recently started developing feelings for. The problem here is that she's unavailable and (as far as I know) straight. Even though I know nothing'll probably ever happen, I feel it's dishonest not to let her know what's going on.
This has all been complicated slightly by the fact we might be working together all of next year in the (full-time!) senate for our student society.
Can you give me any pointers on how or when to tell her?
Cheers,
Irene, 21
P.S: love the vlogs, keep 'em coming!
Hey Hayley, I was wondering about the running thing you do: when did you start, how? How did it go at first?
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of doing the running thing and it terrifies me as I've always been exceptionally bad at running... Whenever I see them on the streets I'm like WOW, but running myself.. I don't see it. I tried it a couple of times, and what is the goal? Why?
Let me explain: I want to run but on the other hand, whenever I tried I just missed the point. You know, when you play football (soccer) there's that ball you need to get... With running it's just running and no ball to catch... I find it hard to keep running while there's nothing to be catched (especially because I'm in such bad shape), although on the other hand the runners I see always look so happy and accomplished somehow. I want to be that person...
Elinious:
ReplyDeleteI think that there are three kinds of people: 1. The people who like team sports and working towards a goal. 2. There are those who like to do their own thing, set their own goals, and work hard to achieve them. 3. The people who rarely do anything at all.
I'm in the 2nd group. I like running because I can set my own goals and watch myself accomplish them. I'm not up against anyone else, I'm just doing my own thing.
If you prefer the more competitive side you might in the number 1 group and that is okay.
You can still take up running but if you don't find the point then why bother doing it?
@Phyllis
ReplyDeletehayley HAS a "real" blog where she talks about her life... it's called the hayleylujah chous: http://hayleyghoover.blogspot.com/
other than that, great job hayley, but i thiink this kind of advice coould have appeared in a magazine like cosmopolitan. not hating though, i liked it.
Although I do like everything you've posted on Presence so far, I feel like your voice is lacking from these columns. I don't know--I want more Hayley in this advice. That being said, the advice has been interesting and useful so far. Thank you for being the wonderful person you are!
ReplyDeleteYour advice is always so good! I am trying in the winter month, but with it being so cold I really am not motivated to go running.
ReplyDeleteI'll give it a try though :)
Hey Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI've never been one of those girls who guys are attracted to right away. I'm fairly average in the looks department, so I tend to find that guys start to like me after they get to know me. However, in the last year I've had quite a few guys, that I'm only acquaintances with, approach me. The problem is, they always do it in a creepy way, and they only want to "hook up". I don't think I give off a "hook up" vibe, so I'm thoroughly confused. Is there something I can do to deter this type of guy, or is that just guys in general?
Jessica, 19
Ever thought about becoming a nutritionist? :) I'm joking, but I liked your post very much, it looks very professional.
ReplyDeleteCould you write something about compulsive overeating disorder? I'm freaking out seeing what I do to myself everyday... It terrifies me how much control over your life and your behavior you can lose. The worst part of it is that I'm completely aware of it and it makes me dread every following day.
Hi Hayley!
ReplyDeleteI wanted your advice on how to deal with my friends (well mainly one friend in particular) complaining all the time about all her problems. They're all very trivial problems and probably won't matter in a few months. As someone whose mom passed away in November and had to move in with my very strict and harsh dad (they were divorced), I'm having trouble being sympathetic (empathetic?). What do I say to her without trivializing her problems or making it seem like I just want her to feel bad for me?
Fantastic advice! I agree. :-)
ReplyDeleteI am very fortunate to live in California where we consider cold to be anything below 40F. Thankfully, it has averaged above 60F where I am attending school. I can still bike from my apartment to campus when it's not raining or when the wind isn't gusting 193403432mph.
It's very easy to just stay in your pajamas during the weekend, but you feel so much more awake and productive when you put on some real clothes!
Hey Hayley! I'm a freshman this year and I feel like I'm losing all my friends! It seems like everyone already knows where their place is and I'm the only one getting left behind. My best friend just got a boyfriend and now I almost never hear from her. I have plenty of other people I hang out with at school, but those relationships never seem to carry on when the weekend comes. How can I develop better relationships and keep from losing myself?
ReplyDelete*And also... If you don't answer our question right away, do you want us to keep asking on other posts, or just leave it be? THANKS SO MUCH!
Hi Hayley!!
ReplyDeleteTo start off, I absolutely love this blog :)
To get to the point: I'm 20 now and I've never been kissed nor have I ever had a boyfriend. My friends tell me that I really need to get these things over with already but, I'm not so sure. I've only loved and had feelings for one boy my entire life and now he's engaged to someone else. That didn't go so well and I'm really afraid of getting hurt. Is there something wrong with me that I'm this old and haven't made any effort in the relationship department?
All of your advice is super appreciated <3
How do I tell someone that I don't want to be their friend? I honestly do not like her and I don't know what to do anymore.
ReplyDeleteTo the anonymous girl craving attention: It is NOT OKAY for that guy to do that. There's a difference between complementing someone and being a creep. Please find friends your own age. I'm sad that you don't get complemented or noticed, but I'm sure you have something good to offer that people will notice. Don't put yourself in a dangerous situation. A 15 year old friend of mine had to quit working at a gas station because she was getting that kind of attention and management did nothing about it.
ReplyDeletewhere are you? <3 Hopefully there will be a new presence blog soon...
ReplyDeleteHayleeyy! Where are youu? This is the 2nd week with no post. ):
ReplyDeleteHayley, m'dear, I know you probably have a super splendid reason for not posting 2 weeks in a row (even if you don't, we still love you), but please come back soon! I am addicted to this blog and it is one of the few highlights of my week.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, I think I speak for all HGH fans when I say take care of yourself, first and foremost. Do what you need to do, and we'll be here. Your writing/advice is worth waiting for. =)
Dear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI realize that this blog's primary audience is girls, but as a guy, I still find much of your advice helpful, so I figured I'd throw this question your way.
I had a fleeting relationship with another nerdfighter recently before she left me for another girl because of apparent risks because she's always been hurt by guys, but she said she still wanted to be friends. The funny thing is she's completely shut me out which leads to my question. How should I react when someone says she still wants to be friends and then completely ignores me?
Question for a future post: What should I do to help my boyfriend who's been diagnosed with manic depression deal with his mental health issues? I know I'm not responsible for his mental health, but I want to help. Problem is, I'm not sure what my role as a girlfriend should be in that. Advice?
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteFor four years, this guy and I have had a very tense relationship. We've always fought and throughout the years we've been forced to spend a lot of time together. I've liked him for almost two years now, and he's moving away at the end of the school year.
A few weeks ago, on a crazy whim, "my friend and I" (but really just me) asked him to our school's Winter Formal as friends. At first he said no, but my friend wouldn't drop the subject, and he finally agreed. I knew he was miserable about it, so I gave him an out if he really didn't want to go. He was surprisingly sweet about it, and now I don't know what to do. I figure he probably knows and I was going to tell him that I like him before he leaves anyway, but I'm worried about the future.
Despite an awkward and uncomfortable relationship, I consider him a friend. I really don't want to lose him completely next year, but I'm afraid if I tell him that I'll scare him off. I also don't want to waste the little bit of time we would have if he does like me back. What should I do?
Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI really need your help! I have the worst stage fright in the whole entire world. When I get up in front of people I can't breathe and I shake really badly. I also don't sleep for days before a presentation. In my English class we have to present a poem of our own writing, either being funny or emotional about a certain experience in our lives. I am so scared because I have nothing to write about, and even if I did I am too nervous to present it. Do you have a tips on calming my nerves (besides picturing the audience in their underwear, which has never worked)?
I would like to second the Anonymous comment above me.
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteMy friends and I were supposed to go together to our Junior Ring dance, but all of them have suddenly found dates. I don't want to be a third wheel, but none of the guys I want to ask are going. What should I do?
Hi Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI just found this blog, and I just wanted to say really love your posts and your advice :) Also, I like the earlier question that was asked about stage fright. I'm taking a peer assisted learning course at my school, and in a few months I'll have to teach a couple hour-and-a-half-long classes to younger kids at my high school. Not only are they long presentations, but I'm also getting graded, and I have to present them in my second language, french! To say the very least, I'm nervous. Any advice on how to calm nerves would be appreciated!
has anyone else noticed that there have been no new posts in the last, like, near-month? come back, hayley!
ReplyDeleteI'm beginning to wonder if Hayley realized a lot of these questions are a little over her head to answer?
ReplyDeleteHayley, have you abandoned us? We miss you, please come back...
ReplyDeleteHey people. It would appear Hayley isn't here right now, but I was wondering if anyone else could help?
ReplyDeleteSo basically, there's a guy (isn't there always!) - let's call him The Guy, who flirts with me and nobody else in every lesson, etc, and has done for ages.
About a month ago, we were both a little tipsy, and we ended up making out at a party. We talked about it after, but both of our prides got in the way and although we likes eachother, we didn't admit it, so we moved onto other people.
I recently split with my boyfriend, and now The Guy is back in the picture. He flirts so much, and there is a lot of sexual tension there, but he has a girlfriend in another school.
To top it off, now people are encouraging us to go to the school prom (in the Summer) together. Thing is, I don't want old feelings to come back.
He's known as a huge "player", but at the same time, I like to have some attention from a guy, as I'm not exactly stunning. Should I let it carry on, and go to the prom with him, or do I back out of it so I don't get trampled (again - the same thing happened with The Guy last time)
-Emma, 16, UK
@Emma, I think you answered your own question at the end. If he's with someone, and he's already trampled on you once, why is he worth going back with? A player is a love 'em and dump 'em person. Perhaps he has legitimate feelings for you, and you deserve to have attention, but does he deserve that attention from you? I have a hard time believing his pride got in the way as he doesn't sound like he's lacking in confidence.
ReplyDeleteYou're young and have a lot of time to get attention from guys. Don't let your self-esteem take a hit just so you can be with someone. Just my opinion, and it's coming from a guy.
Jay
Hey, Haley! I really, really, really need some advice!
ReplyDeleteEven though prom is in the Spring, everyone is lining up their dates now. Unfortunately, nobody has asked me, and all of my guy friends are taken. I am the only one in my group of friends without a date, and I feel really left out. Do you have any tips for retaining what's left of my self esteem?
Hi Hayley. So I'm a really bad hypochondriac. When I was a kid my best friend had cancer and since then I've always struggled whenever I've gotten sick. It's getting so annoying, I am constantly on the internet looking up terminal illnesses and freaking if I have the slightest symptom of one. It's really getting in the way of my life! What can I do??
ReplyDeleteI kind of have an issue with my church right now. I feel like I've gotten to the place where there's nothing for me there. My pastor of many, many years received a promotion of sorts about a year ago now and I've felt like the church really hasn't been the same without him. The pastor who took his place got fired a week ago after it was found out that he had two affairs during his time as our pastor. I used to be a volunteer in the nursery until I began to feel...not quite unwelcome, but not needed or wanted either. The bible-study classes available for my age group (17 and a senior in high school) are virtually nonexistent unless I want to join one made up almost entirely of kids two to five years younger than me, and all the adult classes are made up of people more than ten years older than me. My youth pastor has been talking about leaving, my small group has all but dissolved completely, and I'm feeling lost. I don't feel that the sermons being delivered have any relevance in my life anymore, especially since I'm not that fond of the temporary pastor put in place while they try to find a replacement for the fired pastor. I don't know what to do. This has been the first church where I felt like I really fit in and I'm not ready to give it up just yet. I go to college next year, and although I'll be staying relatively local, I don't know that I'll be able to continue going to this church. Help me?
ReplyDeletehey hayley,
ReplyDeletei'm a junior in high school. this seems to be the year that everybody has "grown up". all everyone seems to care about now is hooking up and drinking. i haven't done either, and i'm really not interested in doing those things any time soon. but there's just so much pressure. it's so hard when even my closest friends have done stuff, and they're all swapping stories and then i'm just sitting there quietly, feeling uncomfortable and out of place. although i shouldn't feel this way, i'm actually embarrassed when i'm forced to tell people the "lame" life i lead. how can i stay strong to my values without giving in to the peer pressure that's literally coming at me from every corner?
@Anonymous: Believe me when I tell you that I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I gave in to the peer pressure and now I regret it hugely. You have to stand up for yourself. Your friends should respect what you say about drinking, because you don't need the alcohol to have a good time. Don't make the mistake I did and try to tell them they're wrong, but you can still go to parties and have fun without it. It takes a while, but people grow out of this a bit more, and if people love you enough, they respect your desicions if you respect theirs.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "hooking up", then firstly, your personal life is none of their business. Secondly, don't buckle under the peer pressure and do something you regret (as I say, that's what I did, and it didn't go well). Most important thing is to stay true to yourself and let people know how you feel. Your friends will stop going on and on about it once they realise that it's not that cool in the end.
I don't know what a "junior" is, as I don't live in the US, but I should imagine it's about the same age as I was when I had the same issue. What I'd say, is you're obviously a very intelligent person, and try not to lose that! This year should be really fun for you, but that doesn't mean you have to be anything but yourself to make it that way.
It's difficult to help, but I hope this makes you realise that people are behind you. Sorry for the essay!
Good Luck & It'll Get Better! x
@dancinglikeelephants - I actually had a similar issue with my church a few years back, when my long-time minister left and the whole atmosphere really changed. I think that when the leader of a congregation leaves, there can be a big identity struggle as the congregation struggles to define who they are and where they are going. In my case, though, it had a very happy ending. It took time, the church definitely had its issues for a few years, many people left ... but then they found another permanent minister who really brought out the congregation's vibrance and spirit. People started coming back, and now our church is bigger than ever, full of exciting projects and outreach, has a new and growing youth/young adult program, and is thriving. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that it may take some time, but hopefully your church will come through this transition and that things will smooth over.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, if you are really feeling uncomfortable there and don't want to wait it out, perhaps you can seek other options? I don't know what denomination you are/how common your churches are, but perhaps you could consider trying out another church in your area, even temporarily? I did this at university and found it really rewarding, and also taught me a lot about what I did/didn't like in terms of theology and a congregation. Also, depending on your interests and religious beliefs, perhaps you could find other ways to feel connected to your spirituality, in or out of church? E.g. join a church choir, see if there are any online youth groups or bible studies, go on nature walks, journal, meditate ... whatever works for you ...
Sorry this is so long. Good luck, and I hope things turn out well for you! :)
I'm a very nice person. And because of that I tend to make lousy friends who take advantage of me. It's only a few more months until I graduate and never have to see them again, but I don't want any drama to spoil the end of my senior year. What should I do?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous For me a big moment was learning to say no.
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley's Followers:
ReplyDeleteHow do I know whether a long-distance relationship is going to work? I don't want to transition from short- to long-distance and then end up having to end it a few months in, but I also don't want to end it prematurely just because it's turning into long-distance.
In what situations is it best to keep going and when should I cut loose?
@Izzy Long distance relationships can work, but honestly they're tough. I dated a girl who was 800 miles away, and there was a lot of phone calls and text messages. We eventually called it off but not because of the distance.
ReplyDeleteHow long is long distance?
Is the long distance temporary?
How do you feel about this person right now?
How do they feel about you?
I don't think you can predict whether it will work out or not, but if you're both serious about each other, then the distance and hard work involved won't scare you off.
Keep in mind that you'll miss this person, you'll wish to be there and support them when they need help and can't, and when you do get to visit them it's for a short time.
I'm not trying to scare you with this. I really think it's possible to make it work.
Hayley? Where are you?
ReplyDeleteIt's cool that despite Hayley's absence, her readers are working to help each other out and answer questions. Still, Hayley, it'd be nice if you could at least make a tiny post to say that life has taken over and you need to put this project on hold for a while. I think we all know that this is the case, but it'd mean more if you made the effort to say it.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow procrastinator, I do understand the predicament. The longer something is neglected, the more you don't want anything to do with it and the harder it is to get back into it. Just know that we're here and loyal because we care about you and value what you have to say. I don't come here for personal help at all, but I enjoy reading your words and ability to dispense useful advice. So, here's my advice to you: come back and say hello to us. Even if you're in no mood to answer some of these hard questions, letting your readers know that you're still around and will be back at some point is all we need. Plus, if you take that first small step, it'll be easier to commit to Presence once again. :)
Ditto
ReplyDeleteDitto!
ReplyDeleteI have a question/problem/thing, and it would be awesome if someone could give me their opinion on it.
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone have any advice on how to... well, get rid of someone in your life, but politely? Background information: I used to be in a long distance relationship, and it didn't work out. It's been several months and he still texts me occasionally. To be honest, I'd rather stop talking to him, but I'm not sure how since it would be really sudden after so long of being "just friends". Then again, he's not really taking the hint that I'd like to be left alone... I usually never initiate any sort of contact. What is the best way to end things?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou have to make your own decisions...
What I mean by that is; you don't have to be friends, just because he want you to be. I don't now how often he texts you, but try to not answer all of them and certainly not directly after you've receives them. This lets him thinks that you still like him and want to be his friend.
When you stop doing these things, you can tell him that you don't want to keep in touch for whatever reason you have. But you have to tell this and why you wan't to stop having contact. When you just stop answering his texts or just tell him: "Hi, I don't want to be friends anymore, bye." or in some kind of variation or whatever, he'll be confused and call you and text you more often, because he's worried or doesn't understand.
So, I hope you got my point, despite my english, I'm dutch, so English is a foreign language for me...
But remember! You're are responsible for your own life, so take the reasponsibilaty! Good luck! :)
I've recently moved into a hall of residence for University and there's an annoying girl following me around. We've all met those people who tag along and, out of sympathy, you allow them. But it's getting out of hand and I can't catch a break. How can I free myself from her without hurting her feelings?
ReplyDeleteHi Hayley. I was wondering if you could do a post about depression and how to cope with it. I'm currently a senior in high school and I'm experiencing chronic depression and I feel alone and anxious and I don't know what to do about college. I don't know how to feel peppy and happy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog!
@Anonymous You should probably get advice about chronic depression from a doctor. I think most times it's treatable but you'd probably want advice from someone who was trained to help.
ReplyDeleteHayley I miss your radiating wisdom pouring on me through the screen. Take your time, but please get back!
ReplyDeleteThanks Hayley for this helpful post. I just wanted to let you know that your blog post, a couple months back, about how you made a decision to become more healthy and then lost 20 something pounds inspired me to get healthy. Because of your blog I have lost 25 lbs and I'm not stoping now (I currently wiegh 206 lbs). I feel so great and I'm super proud of myself. Thank you for being my insperation and for being so positive.
ReplyDelete... P.S. I have all the faith in the world that you will accomplish all that you want to accomplish someday. So, good luck in your future SNL job.
p.s.s sorry about the bad spelling/grammer, its genetic.
It seems that this blog died... :(
ReplyDeletecome baaaaaack, Hayley.
ReplyDeleteI'm having trouble with that sunday night feeling. I get incredibly depressed. I am a happy person almost all the time but I feel so sad and upset. It's a feeling I can't escape. How can I motivate myself for the week coming?
ReplyDeleteWell, it was nice while it lasted... :(
ReplyDeleteCould you please let us know next time you're going to leave? Your Youtube and Heyleylujah careers are still in full swing, so you obviously chose to leave, but let us know next time.
ReplyDeleteHave I missed some important announcement about Presence just... ending? I miss the amazing advice I get from you, Hayley! I assumed you were just busy, but you're still posting on the Hayleylujah Chorus, twitter and YouTube...
ReplyDeleteYou're amazing, Hayley. But we all miss you and your advice here at Presence. Do you have any plans to return to it?
I love your advice hayley. It's all really helpful and actually useful, unlike that stuff you find in magazines.
ReplyDeleteI have a problem. I have a fear of commitment; as in whenever i get into a relationship and it gets even a little serious, I break up with him. It's only happened twice so far, but I've noticed that now I avoid the boys who even flirt with me a little. How can i get past this?
Hey Hayley, Love your blog and youtube videos, been watching them for years!
ReplyDeleteIm half way through my final year of high school and I have no idea what i want to do after I finish school. Everyone has told me that I need to decide on things like University but I have no idea what I want to do. Everything im interested in is hard to make a career out of(art, graphic design etc) and just doesn't seem practical or realistic. Im completely lost, please, if you have any advice it would be greatly appreciated x
I wish you would just mention Presence on Twitter or The Hayleylujah Chorus so we would know whether or not you're planning on coming back. I get that you're super busy with school, I'm just wondering if we can expect more over here.
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley,
ReplyDeletePost moar plz
Sincerely,
Margo
you're neglecting your presents and i miss reading this :(
ReplyDeleteWhere are you? :(((( Miss you.
ReplyDeleteI have somewhat resolved or in the process of resolving this issue, yet I'd like your perspective (Side note: I like perspectives better than anything else since I always found it odd that people solicit advice from people they don't know via internet as oppose to talking to someone they know personally...my opinion...ok back to the situation)
ReplyDeleteEver since freshman year of high school (now a junior) I have been secretly annoyed with the fact that my friend befriends most of my friends. Personally, it's bothersome to me for 2 reasons: 1.) I like my OWN separate groups 2.) more importantly, my friend will hang out with the friends I introduced to her MORE than me. Sometimes I just regret ever introducing her to my friends because for three years now, she will befriend my friends by either using me as an excuse to talk to them ("hey, you're friends with Marie?" "So am I!") or I introduced her to the person.
What do you think of this as an outside perspective?
Am I being selfish with my friends?
And would it be best to confront her about it or just let it settle out for another year?
SORRY FOR THE LONG COMMMMMMMMMMMMMMENT. :)
What advice do you have for a college freshmen who is miserably homesick and can't afford the $1000 plane ticket home? I am 3,015 miles from home, so driving isn't exactly an option. I have only been back to visit once this year. I won't be back for another two months and being away from everyone is starting to make functioning difficult. What would you suggest to keep me from crawling under my desk and bawling into my security blanket? Is my only option to just grow a pair?
ReplyDeleteYours,
Melancholy in Minnesota
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your story, it reminded me of myself when I was younger. Maybe you're not as I was then, but I'll try to explain to you my opinion on the matter.
It sounds to me as if you are afraid to lose any of your friends, even that afraid to be jalous. Why aren't you glad that your friends can all get along? Maybe you have to get used to the fact that your friend is better at making friends than you, but that doesn't mean that you are not important or that you're not a good friend. Try to see the situation from her perspective. It can help you to see the situation more clearly. If this situation is really bothering you, talk to your friend! But be ware not to atake her with the wrong words. You should tell her how you feel, that it makes you insecure seeing her having fun with your friends, that you feel like she abanded you when she hangs ou with your friends, without you or however you feel. It will make her notice your signals when you're uncomfortable and she'll be able to deal with your problems. It won't be an easy conversation, but it will make your friendship stronger and learn more about eachother.
Goof luck and hope to hear it when you talked to her!
Dear Melancholy in Minnesota,
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to how you're feeling right now. I was in a really similar situation three years ago, and I wish that I had had someone to tell me what I should do to make myself feel better. The best advice I can give you is to simply trust that your family and friends are not going to forget about you or stop caring about you when you're away. I know that's much easier said than done, but part of loving someone is trusting them.
The second thing you should do is avoid moping. Situations like this make it so easy to fall into a downward spiral. Don't just sit in your room and feel sad. Even if the only thing in the world you feel like doing is laying in bed and listening to sad music, force yourself to get out of the house and do something. If you're like I was when I was in this same situation and you don't really have any friends to hang out with where you are, find things you can do by yourself. Go for a walk or go to the gym. Instead of studying in your room, go to the library. Instead eating easy mac for dinner, go eat in the dining commons (without headphones).
Honestly, my biggest problem when I was homesick at college was that the only thing I wanted to do was hide alone in my room, and that only makes the problem so much worse.
Just keep your chin up. Things will get better.
-Kelly
In addition to the comment before this one, find friends there. When you are in a new situation, try to grow where you're planted. It's a cheeky phrase but if you work at finding new friends in your new situation, you'll feel less homesick. I just moved 900 miles and it does help.
ReplyDeleteHayley, Presence has been silent for far too long, I hope you end its silence soon!
ReplyDeleteI have a question for you, I really enjoy writing, and I like to think it shows in my blogs. I've been having such a good time writing them! The only problem is, I'm still in the single digits in terms of followers and I'm not getting any real kind of feedback from anyone. It's kind of frustrating sending out posts into the void that is the internet. I'm just wondering, how do you get people to notice your blog? Not a lot of my friends on Facebook or followers on Twitter are as interwebz obsessed as I am and don't really have an interest in following blogs :(
If anyone else here can offer any tips, let me know, I'd love that!
Presence has been bookmarked ever since it started but I think I'm going to have to remove it since it's getting really sad to check it all the time and not see anything. :(
ReplyDeleteCome back, Hayley!
The longer you go without mention us over here, the more I feel like you've got your fingers in your ears and you're shouting "Lalalalalala! I can't hear you!"
ReplyDeletePlease acknowledge that we still exist.
I think it's wonderful that we still read this and help eachother out through the comments! I have a queory: how do I deal with stress? I have so many exams, and I do so much stuff out of school, that I have no time for my self after all the work I do and it's making me ill (I went to the doctors and all). Does anyone have any advice for coping with stress and exams? (we've all been there!)
ReplyDeleteThanks guys, I love to read all the comments, and I hope someone might be able to help!!
Meghan
ReplyDeleteCan you cut back on a few things? Not exams, but the stuff out of school. If you can say "no" when you are asked to do things but just don't have the time. School is a stressful time, that's unavoidable. Can you take a "me" day? Are you organized in planning studying for school?
All I can suggest is cut back on what you can, and take care of yourself. You're no help to anyone or yourself if you burn yourself out or make yourself sick. I said yourself too many times. I hope something in there helps.
Meghan
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comment above, but just wanted to add a another little tip. I can totally relate to the amount of stress that you're dealing with, and I've found that taking a couple of minutes to just BREATHE works wonders. It's something that you can do everyday, or even just when you've reached your absolute limit. When you feel yourself feeling super stressed and freaked out, put down what you're doing and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and imagine your entire body relaxing... Don't focus on anything but you and your breathing. :) It's very simple, but it works.
I hope that everything gets less stressful for you, and good luck!
Hayley, this is really disappointing! You obviously don't owe us anything, but we sure would appreciate some explanation for why you decided to abandon this project.
ReplyDeleteEveryone should ask where she is on her other blog, I don't think she reads this anymore.
ReplyDeleteI (and a ton of our other friends) think one of my friends might like me. you know. like like. but i dont feel the same way. what do i do?
ReplyDelete@anonymous above
ReplyDeleteAsk your friend! But take it easy. When you two are by yourselves, start a conversation about crushes, old school loves and people you fancy. In that way it is less awkward to ask. But you have to feel comfortable enough to ask. You don't want to ruin your friendship, but when you're really good friends, it won't do any harm. You can feel a little awkward in the beginning, but after a while that will be okay. After all, if you want to know something, you have to ask it!
Good luck!
I have a question. Recently on Facebook I saw that some of my friends (people who I sort of know in my grade at school [we're in year 10] but am friends with on facebook) had posted some stuff about having marijuana, and were planning on taking some to a party. My question is about what I should do about this, if anything. I feel partly that I should be telling someone, because they should see the consequences of drugs, but I also feel that it's none of my business, and shouldn't interfere. Any advice anyone has for me is welcome.
ReplyDeleteTo Sarah
ReplyDeleteYeah, those kids are pretty stupid, but I hesitate to suggest anything in case it goes wrong. If you tell someone, you could get retaliation. You could tell an adult in confidence that they don`t say where they got the info from. I`m assuming you won`t be there. Why are you friends with people on the internet who you`re barely friends with in real life?
I almost didn't write this because I don't think it's much help. Sorry.
I don't know what to do.
ReplyDeleteHey Hayley (if you're still there), I don't know if you'll ever read this or whatever, but it'll just feel good to get it off my chest. I kinda need some advice I guess. Your videos are so popular that you must get some people being nasty, but the thing is, my videos aren't, and people at school keep picking on me about them. They're saying the usual stuff "Vlogging is so gay", "You have no viewers apart from the people who poke shit at you" and stuff. I suppose it's pathetic but it still hurts. I don't wanna give up, but I don't know how I can put up with it.
Any advice?
I'm sorry for bugging you, but you're somebody who I admire, so I thought I'd try.
Thanks for reading this, if you got a chance.
And if Hayley doesn't, does anyone else have anything they could say?
Meg, I saw nothing in your videos that anyone should be cruel about. I'm sure I'm not the one you want to hear from, but I've heard Nanalew on YouTube say she has to completely ignore trolls. Don't care about view count, learn snappy comebacks or just delete the troll comments, and keep going. It's sad but Hank Green said the female vloggers he knows get more vicious hate than the males vloggers. Sorry, but no one deserves that kind of negativity.
ReplyDelete@JW, thanks. I guess I just need to hear from somebody else, y'know. I don't really mind who the advice comes from. I suppose it's true about female vloggers, and being such a YT Nerd, I've heard the whole "Haters Gonna Hate" thing. I guess it's different when it's aimed at you. It's also hard because the people aren't commenters on the internet, but vicious people from my school. I'm good at ignoring people, and I guess if they see they don't bother me, they'll stop.
ReplyDeleteBut thanks. From previous comments, you seem like a very helpful person. (:
@Meg C, oh so it's trolls in real life huh? Yeah, that's harder to take. Ignoring idiots is usually the best thing, or you can try to throw them off. If they say "vlogging is so gay" (which is one of the lamest insults anyway) you could go "I know right?" and keep walking. React seriously to what is obviously a joke, or react as a joke to something that is obviously serious. It throws people off like crazy and it's something I've loved doing.
ReplyDelete@JW That's a good one. I tried it today and it made people a little pissed off :L But they were clueless what to say next! Yeah, somebody posted on my facebook how "vlogging is gay" so I linked him to the Vlogbrother's vlog about how Gay is not an insult. That shut him up :L I guess it's getting a little better because I've stopped letting them know it's upsetting me. And I have nerd friends behind me too, so that's good (:
ReplyDelete@Meg C, hey, I'm glad it worked. Just keep up the brick wall of "i won't get upset" and they'll back off. The Nerd fighter core is huge!!
ReplyDeleteHey! Does anyone know hayleyghoover's email address? I have been searching around but haven't found it yet. I was hoping to interview her for a post in the teen advice blog thing that I share with my friend Phebee (therealbffblog.blogspot.com), but I have had no luck in finding her email address.
ReplyDeleteAny help would be greatly appreciated! Thankyou so much!
~Beffy Andrews
Check her YouTube channel
ReplyDeleteNot really sure how to put this, and I know this blog is kinda dead, but I didn't know where else to go, and even if I get no response, I figure just letting it out will help.
ReplyDeleteSo, me and a guy who is one of my best friends have been flirting a lot recently, and the other day at a party it got out of control and he started making out with me. The problem is, until recently, he had been crazy about my friend for years. Also, he's been quite open about the fact that he wants sex. I'm 16 and that's legal in the UK, but although we are attracted to eachother and all, I don't want it to happen, and then him ignore me forever.
Basically, it's a bit of a mess, and I talk to him about it, but I'm never very good at finding the right words. Any help?
http://girlyproblems.blogspot.com/ Hey guys follow my blog, it's not half as witty as Hayley's, but it's all about fashion and all things girly with some added fitness and makeup tips!
ReplyDelete