Eight Things You Don’t Have to Be:
- A vixen. It’s okay to leave private, personal things private and personal. If someone cares about you and respects you, they won’t require that you’ve memorized pages of tips on all matters “sultry” and “sensual.”
- A master of disguise. You have acne scars? So does Brad Pitt. Big hips? Beyonce. No boobs? Kate Hudson. Everyone has some insecurity, but guess what—It’s actually okay to not obsess over it.
- Self-centered. It’s a good thing to take care of your physical and emotional needs, and to treat yourself from time to time. But what magazines often neglect to mention is that solo pedicures are usually less fulfilling than doing something nice for a friend.
- Perfectly put together. Believe it or not, most boys couldn’t care less about your lipgloss. Also, it’s okay to wear a pair of jeans more than once before washing them, and it’s okay to occasionally carry a brown purse while wearing a black belt.
- On the prowl. It’s also okay to be single. And have other things on your mind, besides just how to reel in a guy. You don’t need to be dating anyone to feel fulfilled, and you don’t need to act like you’re already fulfilled to attract someone, either. In real life, people often meet their significant others when they least expect it, and more often than not, it isn’t forced.
- Interested in the lives of celebrities. It’s fine if you think Zac Efron is smokin’ or Emma Watson shouldn’t have cut her hair, but it’s also fine to have more in your head than Tori Spelling’s IMDB bio.
- A Stepford wife. You don’t have to suppress all emotion, cook perfect dinners, and still maintain your beauty and mystique to be a good girlfriend. You know what kind of girl most guys like? The human kind.
- Perfect. ***
Another advice post will be up on Sunday! Be good to each other, be good to yourself, and be a presence.
I am in my third year of university and have never had a boyfriend. I used to think that was the biggest deal in the world, and I used to literally obsess over getting a boyfriend. But, a couple months ago I realized that I am perfectly happy being single. It may not be "socially acceptable" but hardly anything I do is socially acceptable, so why was this any different?
ReplyDeleteI am almost 21, still single and extremely happy! Anyone who thinks you need to be in a relationship to be happy or fit in is just fooling themselves. Don't do something because you think you have to!
Thank you so much for this blog, Hayley. I absolutely adore it, and I love reading what you have to say! :)
Dear Hayley, you are lovely.
ReplyDeleteWell said. What's the point in being perfect? it's the little differences in people that make life more interesting! work with what you've got, because people love you the way you are. And if they don't? Screw 'em.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how much you may or may not know on this topic since you're still in college and stuff, but what do single people who live alone do all day? There's no one around the house, so do they just watch TV and eat food or play World of Warcraft? I mean, I'm sure they have friends who they hang out with, but what about the rest of the time? Not everyone wants to hang out every night. It seems awfully lonely.
ReplyDeleteAdvice please!!
ReplyDeleteI am 14 years old and I have only ever had one kiss in my life and that was in a game of spin the bottle when I was 12. I actually really liked the guy it was with at the time and afterwards we started to become quite good friends. I have recently moved to the school that he goes to and he seems to just treat me like dirt and I don't understand it! About a year ago we were quite good friends and now he never seems to acknoledge my exsistance. I'm not really sure if I like him anymore but I think that if he treated me like he used to I still would. What could have changed and how can I stop him treating me so badly?
Please help me Hayley.
Love you
From, a girl with a semi-broken heart.
Advice needed ...
ReplyDeleteI was at a party the other night and the topic of Bi-Curiosity came up in conversation and my friends started talking about how it's not a big deal to kiss people of the same sex. I agreed with them and then they all said that they had not just kissed, but full on made out with someone of the same sex, this got me worried as I have never even kissed a guy before so I wasn't sure if I should kiss one of my friends when they offered. In the end I didn't do it but ever since I have been thinking that I should have done it and it might have made it easier when I come to kiss a guy and I must admit I would say I am bi-curious myself. Have you ever kissed on of your friends of the same sex, do you think it is okay to experiment with friends, what are your opinions on bi-curiosity and do you think I should kiss one of my friends if the oppertunity comes up again?
I'm a 14 year old girl by the way.
I would really appreciate your advice Hayley.
Thanks.
From, confused girl.
Hayley, you are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteRight now, the relationship with my boyfriend is very, very rocky. He says the "girl he loves isn't here anymore." I feel like he's blaming all of our relationship problems on me. He has things he needs to work on too. I'm taking time to myself for awhile to refigure myself out. I'm so scared of losing him because he's the first person I've invested this much into emotionally, and I feel like I've just wasted my time if this comes to an end. I do want to fix our relationship and be willing to grow from this, but how can I accept either outcome without feeling like I'm falling to pieces? Thank you.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who Loves Wholly.
This list was really lovely to read, it just made me accept myself a little more.
ReplyDeleteI am 21 years old and have a son. He's four and I'm still with his father (who's 24), we're very happy, very in love and life is good. However I'm a student at a place usually attended by those aged 16-18 and feel like I have nothing in common with the majority of the other students. For the 18 months I've been attending, I have made one real friend, a very mature girl who likes a lot of the things I do and does not judge me for being a young parent. (Young parents are VERY frowned upon where I come from.) I am so near the end of my course (six months to go!) yet I feel like I want to quit because I really am an outcast there. My friend isn't in any of my classes any more and I only see her at lunch time twice a week as we both have other things to do (student council, peer mentoring etc) on the other days.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I go from here? I would love to be a home maker - for the first three years of my son's life that's what I did, and I was bloody good at it too. But my partner would prefer me to get further education and then work. I'm lost.
Ironically, there is an add for Cosmo directly to the right of this post. We can't get away from it. Great post!
ReplyDeleteHey Presence!
ReplyDeleteI have a question that has come up in a couple other posts on this blog and I was kinda pleasantly surprised that other people felt the same way. I'm 20, and a junior in college, and I have to admit I still worry a lot about when I'll ever meet the "right guy", just someone I can have a life with later on and not feel so lonely anymore. I've never been in a relationship or done anything physical with a guy before, and it's because of my solid belief to wait for this person. But honestly, I just feel like there's something wrong with me personally, and I have a lot more growing up to do before I'll be "fit" to have someone like that enter my life. I feel like guys just aren't interested in me, and I've been told that I give off an intimidating and aloof vibe that makes guys not approach me. Really, I'm just still socially awkward. All this is kind of discouraging, because it's not like I can set a future date for my "self-actualization." So I basically try to forget about anything romantic at all. But I still feel lonely.
Soo, I guess my question is... is there something wrong with the fact that even though people who choose to wait are strong in their conviction to do so and to focus on real shit instead of things they have no control over, they feel super lonely anyways?
sincerely,
romantic turned realist :P
Thank you so much. In the 15 minuets that it took me to read these three posts my self esteem has gone way up.
ReplyDeletehelp!
ReplyDeletei slept with this really cute black guy but my parents are really racist they would freak if we kept dating but i really really like him. what should i do???
i love this new blog of yours!
ReplyDeleteand i couldn't agree more with what you said. i especially like the "single" part. i just cannot understand why so many girls are stressed out about not having a boyfriend. i've been on and off single for almost 2 years and i'm really enjoying it. i feel like i have more time for myself and for the things that i want to do in my life without having to think of someone else as well. not that it isn't nice having a boyfriend. but at the moment, it's much nicer being single.
cheers, keep up your good work!
mary (22)
I am totally okay with the fact that I have never been asked out. Fine. Absolutely and completely and unequivocally fine.
ReplyDeleteBut I want a guy in my life.
Not naming any names, but I've kind of had this one in mind for like three years...and he's got a girlfriend...and he's been having girlfriend issues...and all of this gives me hope that this time, maybe if I hope hard enough and flush enough ice cubes down the toilet and click my heels together three times, he'll try dating me. And trust me, I am well aware of the fact that we will break up long before we go off to college (I'm a senior in high school!) and probably even before prom and I am just fine with that. I don't need nor do I want a long, serious relationship. I will not ever be the kind of girl to post "Ily babyyy" and the date we started "dating" in my facebook status three days after we start "dating."
But how do I deal with this in the mean time? I really do like him. I'd like to give it a go, but I don't know what he thinks and I am entirely too shy to ask.
Aww, I really like this one. <3 Everything you said is soo true. Thanks, Hayley =]
ReplyDeleteIts sad to say this but i am the "other girl" i feel so guilty all the time and promised myself i would never be that girl, but here i am. I am in love with him and think about him every second of every day, i know he feels the same... yet he has not left his girlfriend of two years. How do i bring this up? I'm afraid if i do i will loose him.
ReplyDeleteI'm a guy and I STILL enjoyed your blog. You should write for a magazine... or be a writer of some sort.... or else an actress... or a comedian... or a model if all else fails.
ReplyDeleteI used to buy magazines all the time before I realized I was more or less buying a book of adverts- that even the prose was a kind of advert selling me whatever it was I needed to buy to improve myself. I really love your list, it's so refreshing that you're reminding people they don't have to care about celebrities etc. I go shopping and buy magazines much less than I used to and I'm definitely much happier!
ReplyDeleteLast summer, I was going on an incredibly long plane trip, so I got some magazines similar to Cosmo to read. It. Was. Hilarious. Its impossible to take it seriously, but it was an incredibly amusing read. There was one article which had a picture of Taylor Lautner's face and read "STARE INTO HIS SOUL!" The article then proceeded to explain how his "full pouty lips" meant he was sensitive and talked a lot, and that his "sparkling eyes" meant he was a hard worker. The best part was that the article kept acting like these statements were supported by actual evidence, as in "Studies show that people with narrow jawlines make great boyfriends."
ReplyDeleteAfter my plane trip, my friend and I got together and made a huge collage of all the crappy magazines. I accidentally mutilated Nick Jonas's leg, and my friend found this picture the magazine had taken of Robert Pattinson, and then aged, to make him look old. However, it was a sultry picture of him, so when they added age spots to his face, and made him gray haired, he looked like he was a pedophile. We then found this advertisement which had the words "Won't you come inside?" and then glued the two next to each other.
I don't think that these magazines should be taken seriously. They're good for amusement, but not for advice. I don't think fully pouty lips mean someone is kind and sensitive.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSince most of these comments have to do with dating, isn't it almost a guarantee that we'll never be secure in the realm of dating? The feelings that having a partner or not having a partner cause in us make us question ourselves, act in ways we didn't expect, or paralyze us with fear.
ReplyDeleteWomen are being objectified everywhere, even in magazines written by women about women while they still have their clothes on. I'm glad there is this community that is pulling back from this and saying no.
There are a lot of teenagers on here, and I'd like to say that those years are awkward and they suck. We are insecure, unsure, and a whole bundle of weird, but we'll get over it. I hated my teens, but now that I'm an adult I can look back and say it's okay. You might hate what's going on now, but your viewpoint will change.
Guys who want the type of women Cosmo talks about are looking for shallow relationships from shallow women. They are teenagers or young adult males that are more interested in how they can please themselves then how they can be a good partner to someone else.
Girls who are intellectual, have a sense of self, aren't desperate and not clingy are not easy, and therefore uninteresting. You are worth far more than what most of this world has to offer. It might be lonely waiting for the right person to come along but it doesn't mean something is wrong with you, just like waiting to have sex or not being kissed by the time you're 18 is perfectly fine too.
Hayley, I love this blog. By the way, I'm a guy, and I commend you for what you're doing, and everyone who is following this.
Jay
I'm really glad that you're writing this blog Hayley. I'm looking forward to future posts; I think great things will come out of it.
ReplyDeleteI have two best friends who have been going out for the past two years. They were in a place in their relationship where they broke up with each other and then got back together and didn't tell me or any of their other friends. Now, they are both in a relationship that they call "close friends" where they can still hold hands and kiss from time to time, but they aren't "facebook official". Nobody really knows what to say around them anymore, and it irritates me that my two best friends don't see the confusion they're causing their friends. My question is, how can I tell them that this break up period is becoming a strain on our friendship?
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteOver the summer, I found out I had a brother.
I know that sounds really odd, but it's true. Around July my mom sat me down and told me that she had a kid when she was 16, and gave him up for adoption. He's 32 now, and over the summer tried to contact my mom, and was successful. I've met him a few times, and he's really cool; married to an awesome woman, and has the cutest son ever.
And, as much as I feel like the worst person ever to say this, sometimes it feels like my mother is more interested in him than me. And deep down, I think I know this isn't true, but it's still very much a lingering thought. I was just wondering if you had any tips or suggestions on helping me feel better in this situation!
It's weird, because before this I was an only child, and now . . . I have a brother.
Thanks so much for even reading this! I absolutely love the concept of this blog, and I definitely will read forever! I really look up to you, so thanks for being there :).
I'm going to reiterate a few other people's questions, I guess, in a 'what-if' scenario.
ReplyDeleteWhat if the person you like has a girlfriend? Just for background, I've never had a boyfriend (by choice), though I've been asked out a few times. But now, I see him, and I realize that I've never got on so well with another person. We have most of the same interests and long, intelligent conversations about philosophy and Shakespeare and life in general. And we make each other laugh to the point of tears.
So, how do you deal with the "he's madly in love with someone else" scenario, when you feel like you would be perfect for one another? I would love (but don't expect) the fairy-tale, 'I knew I loved you all along'-ending, and I don't want to waste time pining over one guy forever. So, how do you get over a crush with a girlfriend? What are the signs you should look for to pursue a relationship, and when do you lower your expectations to that 'just friends' level?
Help,
Someone with too many questions.
Dear Haley,
ReplyDeleteCan you help me? There's this guy that likes me, but I don't really like him. My friends all said to try to be subtle about it and gradually stop talking to him, but I love the way he makes me feel when I talk to him; like I'm an amazing, pretty girl. I have insecurity issues and he's one of the only people who knows about it, so he always makes sure to ask how I'm doing and to listen to all my rants. I don't know what to do! He's so incredibly sweet and kind to me when we talk on chat, but he can also be really impersonal and mean to my friends at school and he likes me way more than I like him. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't want to stop talking to him. What do I do?
Thanks Haley! You're such an amazing person and I really love this blog! You're such an inspiration!
Absolutely love this post. This is something that I have been trying to convince my friends for the past year.
ReplyDeleteYou put it all very well. :) Great job.
Awesome post :)
ReplyDeleteAs I read through the comments, I am realizing how many other girls like myself are just...how do I put it...confused, curious, and eager to learn/grow.
I think that because this blog is so new, and that there are soooo many questions of many varieties, maybe do some themed weeks, perhaps? Maybe you could group a few questions of the same topic together, and then answer a few at a time? Perhaps you could have some posts relating to new relationships, some about personal health (a topic that is overly taboo, in my opinion), posts about sexual identity, healthy dating, etc.
This is just a loose suggestion, of course, but it may be easier for you to answer a few similar questions at a time?
Keep up the awesome work. Thank you, really, Hayley!!
Perhaps this is a bit random, but I've loved this poem for a while and I feel like it applies (not to this post specifically, but to the blog in general) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0
ReplyDeleteHayley,
ReplyDeleteIn two blog posts you have nailed two different problems that run through my head day after day. I may only be a freshman in high school, but I can relate so much to what you write. I am SO INCREDIBLY HAPPY that you, a person who I admire to the greatest extent, are writing this. So, thank you. Thank you so, so much. :)
Hey Hayley, I love writing poetry when I'm feeling like the world is against me or just as a release. I was wondering if you had any advice, general or your own experience, for overcoming writers' block?
ReplyDeleteI love this :)
ReplyDeleteHayley, you are amazing.
ReplyDeleteI have a crush on someone who is older than me that I met on the Internet. Not in a charoom, or anything sinister, just a nice, YouTube turned-to-Skype crush. He's older. What should I do?
ReplyDeleteHey Hayley, I remember on your personal blog you once discussing how difficult your first year of university was happiness wise (does that even make sense?). Anyway, I feel like I've been going through that this year and I think that others have too so I'd really appreciate if maybe you could do an entry regarding that issue and how you dealt with it. As always Hayley, keep writing because you're an incredible/unbelievable writer!
ReplyDeleteI used to buy Cosmo until recently, after realising exactly what you have stated here. My boyfriend finds these magazines hilarious. We often talk about what these magazines want us and I quote "strong, indepenent women" to achieve.
ReplyDeleteWe do not have to shave every day, or look drop dead gorgeous every day. I have grown so used to wearing make up, that if I don't wear any one day it makes me quite insecure; then again, The Boyfriend will say that he prefers me -and girls in general- with no make up on. The same goes for being a vixen, flirting and the like. It is not necessary. Of course, every girl and every couple will have their little routines and customes, but we do not need to be fake tanned, false eye lashes, man-eating super women. Just ourselves, thank you very much. Even I am intimidated by these perfect women.
Hayley. I have followed you since waaaay back from the first 5ag video. I'm on youtube a lot less now, but still go back to watch Vlogbrothers and the girls when I get time.
ReplyDeleteWe recently finished a 4 week look at 'the awkward' at my church cell group for 18-25's and covered everything from singleness to porn! The first week was titled 'Single, not half' and I thought that was a brilliant title. Sometimes you just feel like the world sees you as half a person because you're single, but really you are a whole person all by yourself, don't need no man to make ya whole!
I love this! It's a great idea. There are issues of Cosmo where I work for costomers to read. Sometimes, when it's slow, I'll pick one up and look through it. I usually end up laughing at how stupid it is.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely be reading this, and maybe I'll ask a question someday.
Wow. I probably won't get a reply, since I'm like the 40th person to post a comment here, but it's worth a shot.
ReplyDeleteSo Dear Hayley,
I've loved your videos from the start; they cheer me up whenever I'm in a good mood.
However, these days, I'm never in a good mood.
There are many issues as to why, but I'll address few:
First of all, I don't have a close friend. I have a fairly large group of friends, but not a best friend - someone I can relate to and trust with all my heart. All of my friends have best friends and I live in a place where one best friend is enough. And let me tell you, having no one to relate to is very lonely; it also doesn’t help when you’re like me and you have a phobia of being "rejected", "alone", and being "ditched".
Secondly, because of my loneliness, I find myself daydreaming about dating. I'm only in eighth grade and I don’t really believe in dating (it's a culture thing) but I've been yearning for a boyfriend - someone who loves and cares for me and loves me for who I am. This isn't a need for attention but a need for a listener, comforter, lover, and a friend.
Thirdly, (keep in mind that I am practically spilling my heart out in this comment) I have VERY low self esteem. Now, I’m an everyday average teenage girl; I don’t have “problems”. And it’s a known fact that girls are harder on themselves than other people are on them, but it doesn’t change the fact that I DESPISE myself. "Why can't I be like her?" I caught myself thinking the other day when a girl in my class was asked to the eighth grade dance. She's popular, nice, smart, and pretty. And I hate myself for being jealous of her! Everything I do, she beats me in! I get an A, she gets an A+ (I am naturally very competitive). I got a 90 the other day and felt like throwing up. So many people are like "Oh, your parents are so hard on you for your grades." But they don’t understand that my parents aren’t hard on me, I AM! Whenever I see someone say "I'm proud of myself, I secretly loathe them. Why should they be proud of themselves? They can ALWAYS improve.
I just don’t know myself anymore. I decided to keep a journal to write in yesterday. And I already regret it; I feel as if I can’t even trust my journal enough to confide in it. That’s how ashamed I am of expressing how I feel.
Personally, I couldn’t care less about body image when it comes to being “fat or skinny” (when it’s healthy vs. unhealthy though, that’s a whole different issue) but I know I’m ugly. Everyone’s like why can’t you be “whiter”? Why can’t you be prettier? I know everyone is going to say “looks don’t matter” but they do. If someone needs to actually get a life in this world, you need to look good. I blame myself for not having a boyfriend. You see, I’m already hating on myself because I’m asking someone for help and advice. Sorry. I just needed to open up. Anyways, I hope you can get the time to read this comment and reply!
From,
B.B.
I am 17 years old, relatively healthy and weigh 125 pounds. I have stretchmarks. Not a few normal ones on my breasts from puberty, but I have many horrible purplish stretchmarks all over my thighs and even a few on my calves. I've had them since I can remember and they make me incredibly self conscious. I have never been able to wear a shorts/swimsuits or change in front of people. And don't get me started on boys. So my question for you is, what can I do about this and how can I get more confidence?
ReplyDeleteDear Hayley,
ReplyDeleteI'll try to keep this short but Basically, I don't enjoy spending time with my group of friends from school. I have felt this way all throughout high school, but the situation has only worstened since the beginning of this year. Now prety much all they do is go out to hookah bars and clubs and hook up with these skeezy guys. The fact that this is illegal and I could get in huge trouble with my parents if they found out does not bother me so much as the fact that I would be risking getting in trouble to go somewhere that I have no desire to go.
Like If I had to sneak out of the house to see a wizard wrock concert, to me that would be worth it, but this is just stupid.
I'm just lost because now I'm losing my all my friends and I have practically no social life! They are so disconnected from me now and they are all really close and have all these inside jokes and I have nothing to contribute to the conversation when I do hang out with them at lunch. Im upset by the fact that I feel like I don't have any friends, but I am not all that upset that I'm losing them in particular. Well a couple of them I would be, but then again even the person I thought was someone who shared some of my interests is slowly drifting away from me!
I think I'm in love :P
ReplyDeletei Love your blog, great idea and messages. i totally agree with you
ReplyDeleteI love this blog! Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteI really like this. I'm so impressed that you are embracing being a role model. It's a really brave thing to do. Having been a 14 year old girl on youtube I know how much girls look for a good role model to look up to and I think you're doing a great job. Have you thought about expanding this in the future it would be lovely to see other regular or guest contributors to complement your insightful blogs. I think this is a great opportunity to positively impact so many young teenage girls lives and I'm so happy you started it :)
ReplyDeleteThanks
Lizzie
Love it. <3
ReplyDeleteDear Haley,
ReplyDeleteI'd like this to be considered as an advice question. I understand that many women feel intimidated by the images portrayed in magazines on how we should look or act. I've always been fine with this. I know I don't have to be the things they say, so I get along fine. However, there are people who intimidate me. People like you! Smart, Articulate, Witty, Funny, Intelligent. These are things I wish there was a Cosmo for. I would love to know how to be all these things because at the moment I find myself in awe as people converse and debate at school (the cool nerds... not the cool kids) at how well they speak, how they've formed logical opinions. They aren't afraid of how they are to everyone else. They read books, watch films and listen to music I haven't heard of. They talk about things I don't fully understand. I feel stupid. How can I be more like you and less like the weird 18 year old with the mind of a 11 year old?
Thanks
Here's a question for you:
ReplyDeleteMy roommate has been seeing a guy who is a known...shall we say...manwhore? Playa? Womanizer? Scoundrel?
Anyway, it is common knowledge that he's been pursuing a freshman girl on the side. We told my roommate about it before she got serious with this guy, and she confronted him. His response was that the other girl had a boyfriend--which was enough to convince my wonderful, trusting roommate that their relationship was platonic, but not the more jaded among us. Sources close to the freshman confirm that he is still trying to get into her pants.
My roommate knows I don't approve, but she's writing it off as me overreacting because I recently had my heart broken. How do I convince her that this guy is the very definition of bad news? Should I even try? I know it's not my business but I don't want her to get hurt.
Thanks Hayley! This really inspires me to get through my eating disorder recovery... Sometimes it's hard to remember I don't need to be perfect 24/7.
ReplyDeleteHayley... agreed. =]
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks.
I really liked this post. In a world of photoshopped perfection, sometimes I need to remind myself everyone has insecurities. #2 was my favorite :)
ReplyDeleteHow do I not Stress about homework when grades really do matter? I hate stressing over something so little in my life.
ReplyDeleteDear Haley,
ReplyDeleteI once saw a YouTube video you made when you were in high school. I laughed loudly and later looked up your blog. I bookmarked it, and I think I subscribed via one of my many e-mail accounts, then proceeded to forget all about it. That is, until I needed to look up guitar tabs, which I also have a bookmark for. I saw your bookmark out of my perifferal vision, and decided to read some of your wonderful spewings. One thing lead to another and I found myself on Presence. I read your "8 Things You Don't Have to Be" and immediately found it pleasurable and relevant to my interests. I'm junior guy in high school, and am dating a senior girl. She avidly reads "Cosmo". I just felt the need to tell you that I enjoyed this, and may make my girlfriend read it. I agreed with literally everything you said in this blog. I now <3 you.
Pat Budding
I'd like to spontaneously add one more thing you don't have to be, one that was a mega-concern for several of my friends in high school.
ReplyDelete9. A Virgin.
Having had sex when you're young doesn't make you less worthy of a relationship or love. Having had bad sex when you're young doesn't mean you can't have good sex in the future. And you don't have to lie to people you're digging on about whether you've slept with people before or not. If they're worth a dime, they'll know it's not something to be ashamed of.